Can't take the heat

I hate winter. I kind-a liked spring and I thought I was gonna love summer. I mean: beaches, swimming, tons of ice cream… come on! But it sure ain't shaping up the way I imagined. My folks read somewhere (probably in one of those really "smart" how-to-not-mess-up-a-kid-(much) books) that beach is no place for a guy under 6 months, so the beach's a gonner. Swimming - since I can't hit the beach, I ain't gonna hit the bathtub when I'm told to… I'm gonna make them regret that one. And apparently, I can't get any ice-cream either. Why not - beats me. So could anyone tell me how am I to cope with these 100-degrees-in-a-shadow-and-record-humidity stuff? 'Cause I sure have no idea. Summer sucks.

PS: And our neighbor's house's on fire. Summer sure sucks for him.

The Julie-less future

Remember Julie? Of course you do. Who wouldn't? Beautiful dark eyes that make you feel like you're the only person in the whole wide world, gorgeous brown hair, stunning smile, sweet red knees from all that skilled crawling… she's truly remarkable. And ever since she came on to me couple of weeks ago, I thought we had something special. I guess I was wrong. Terribly wrong. Today, she crawled just past me and didn't even dignify my excited greeting with an answer. And since I'm still, obviously, very baby-like naïve and a hopeless romantic (on top of that), I thought that she was just playing it cool in front of everybody else or that she didn't see me… I don't know, I guess I was just being stupid… but there were like hundreds of possible excuses running in my head. And then, they all got crushed. She crawled toward Salvador (or whatever his stupid name was), stood up and hugged him. Just in front of me! He hugged her back and she looked at me with the worst expression ever. It was the evilest smile I've ever seen (even worse than Jon Stewart does when he's impersonating that Bush guy). How do you deal with something like that? What do you do when all your dreams and hopes for your future together get unexpectedly flushed down the toilet?

PS: Do you think that Expedia will reimburse the air tickets I got for our romantic getaway? Or would it be easier to find some other chick to take along at match.com? I mean, I seriously need some vacation after this.

The bitch is hardcore

Just a little update on our dog related issue. I must say I ain't sure if she actually had the $500 surgery or not. When we went to pick her up, she chewed on the leash and came running from the doctor's office, jumped into the car, ran up the stairs, and then followed a neighbor's fat cat into the stinky sewer (at least, she tried to). I mean, the only one I know who's tougher than her is John Rambo… and that's just because he actually performed the surgery on himself; the recovery was the same, give or take. And, honestly, I think that if she had opposable thumbs, she could've taken him.

It's really scary, you know. How can I now complain about my doctor's visits? What is an injection in comparison to ovariohysterectomy? How do you let anybody know that you have injection-phobia without feeling humiliated by the frakking dog? Maybe I should ask my daddy…

Quick Fix

I understand that our dog is being fixed today but I ain't sure what exactly is being fixed about her. It's not that she is so perfect… it's more like - there are so many issues I ain't sure where to start the fixing process. I really hope my folks made a good checklist for the doctor. Something like: Jumping on the bed. Check. Pulling on the leash. Check. Licking our adorable baby after his bath. Check. Not eating the smelly dry food. Check. Losing hair everywhere. Check. Sneezing. Check. Eating the cage bars. Check. Sniffing everyone's eyeballs. Check. And the list goes on… I just hope it will work out. But whether or not it fixes all these things, I must say I am really shocked, and impressed at the same time, that a surgery can fix any of this. I guess I will consider the career path in medicine after all.

No brainer

I never thought that squirrels are any smarties or brainers but today, one little flea-bag convinced me that they really are as dumb as they come. I was asleep and heard some barking coming from our balcony, which is really weird. I mean, we got a dog but she doesn’t bark. Don't ask me why but even I can make better barking sounds than she… I guess it's got something to do with her big ears and piggy tail, but who knows? (And, honestly, who cares?) But back to the "story." I went to check it out and there was an ugly squirrel sitting on the balcony and barking like crazy. Even when the dog got there and tried to chase her away, she didn't run away; she just merely moved down couple of inches and kept on barking. I don't know what it was all about. She was either really dumb or had rabies. Or both. Yeah, probably both… 'cause it is still on the balcony, head-down barking towards a sleeping cat 20 feet bellow. I mean, come on, squirrel, get a life! (somewhere else)

Indian all nighter

I'm so groggy today I might actually take a nap. Well, I guess I'm not as invincible as I thought I was… and that little all nighter I pulled last night is really gonna take its toll. That can actually make my mom pretty happy… but even so, it was worth it. My folks, uncle Jiankuan, and I went for dinner to that Indian place. And even though it might sound like a drag, it sure wasn't. On top of the spicy food, spicier chatting, and even spicier dancing on the table… I did some new cool flying stunts, did some networking with the owner, and got a huge box of chocolates all for myself (now, I need to think about a way to make my doctor believe I won't choke on them). Well, what can I say? It was pretty darn cool evening.

PS: Did you know that okra can be slippery? I mean REALLY slippery?! (But in all fairness, it ain't as slippery as paneer.)

Curry-less state of mind

Have I ever told you how much I love Indian food? Well, I do. And who could blame me? Especially since I actually grew up on curry… literally. My folks were supplying me with weekly Lister-style doses of masalas and currys and pakodas long before I was actually born, and they haven't stopped since. And that's one thing I never had any problem with… and now, it's over. Albert left me. Albert, who I've known my whole life is gone. Back to India. Back to his family. And I am left curry-less. To be honest, I was devastated. I couldn't help but cry like a baby when he hugged me goodbye. It sucks. And it's kind-a sad when you realize that a way to your heart really is through your stomach (and, in my case, through a middleman - mommy). I mean, will I ever find such a well-matched friend again? I can only hope.

Stay in touch, Albert! I'll miss ya.