What's wrong with us?

I haven't written anything in a while but that isn't because nothing crazy, totally ridiculous, and unbelievably frakked-up has happened… it's more like 'cause so many crazy, totally ridiculous, and unbelievably frakked-up things did happen. First, our dog started pooping all over the apartment which resulted in my parents going crazy, dog trying to conceal it, and me not being able to crawl anymore anywhere. It sucked. Then she started to look all funny… her body was filled with huge blisters, her lip got so big she looked like a mean bulldog, and her neck had a gross ball under it. It was so ugly I thought we are taking her to the vet to put her down. But, she got some pills for it, allergy or whatever, and got a poop test for the poop. Well, it turned out she's full of tiny little parasites. So, even before my parents figured out how to get her to eat those two pills three times a day, she needed more pills. Yup, it was fun, kind-a gross, but fun.

Then, my parents took me to some Indian restaurant. Boy, am I glad I didn't eat that stuff. It smelled real nice and first, I was kind-a jealous but that went away real soon. Both mom and dad got really sick. I mean "really" sick. And dad was disabled even the next day, no matter how much I tried to get his mind off it by jumping on his stomach and trying to fit my Tylenol bottle into his nose.

I have just one small question and then I go. What is it here that makes my family so sick? My mom was throwing up like crazy, then the dog got blisters and parasites, and then both of my parents got poisoned. I mean, is it just karma compensating for everything that goes well in our lives or is Washington's air really so frakking clean in makes our New Jersian bodies collaps?!

And when's my turn?

The Spirit of Stars and Stripes

I was kind-a hoping that I will spend my first Independence Day watching channel 243's Will-Smith-knocking-down-an-alien marathon but it didn't really work out that way. Don't ask me why but my parents thought that it would be more fun to clean the whole apartment and read books. Don't even get me started. I mean… from what I remember grandma would be more than happy to help with the house overhaul and she's coming tomorrow. It ain't like it can't wait no more. And reading books on 4^th of July? Isn't it a little un-American? We should be watching baseball on TV, barbecuing hot dogs and hamburgers, and drinking diet coke floats… at least the dog got into the spirit of things. It would suck to be the only patriot in my family.

The bitch is hardcore

Just a little update on our dog related issue. I must say I ain't sure if she actually had the $500 surgery or not. When we went to pick her up, she chewed on the leash and came running from the doctor's office, jumped into the car, ran up the stairs, and then followed a neighbor's fat cat into the stinky sewer (at least, she tried to). I mean, the only one I know who's tougher than her is John Rambo… and that's just because he actually performed the surgery on himself; the recovery was the same, give or take. And, honestly, I think that if she had opposable thumbs, she could've taken him.

It's really scary, you know. How can I now complain about my doctor's visits? What is an injection in comparison to ovariohysterectomy? How do you let anybody know that you have injection-phobia without feeling humiliated by the frakking dog? Maybe I should ask my daddy…

Quick Fix

I understand that our dog is being fixed today but I ain't sure what exactly is being fixed about her. It's not that she is so perfect… it's more like - there are so many issues I ain't sure where to start the fixing process. I really hope my folks made a good checklist for the doctor. Something like: Jumping on the bed. Check. Pulling on the leash. Check. Licking our adorable baby after his bath. Check. Not eating the smelly dry food. Check. Losing hair everywhere. Check. Sneezing. Check. Eating the cage bars. Check. Sniffing everyone's eyeballs. Check. And the list goes on… I just hope it will work out. But whether or not it fixes all these things, I must say I am really shocked, and impressed at the same time, that a surgery can fix any of this. I guess I will consider the career path in medicine after all.

Just like Elm street

Freddy Kruger would be so proud of us last night! We were missing just the water bed with a dead chick and those big hands with scissors on them to make the nightmare Hollywood-worthy. Judge for yourself… I couldn't fall asleep and when I finally did, the dog got sick. I mean, what do they put in a dog food anyway? It must be something really gross (no matter how organic it is) since she was throwing up like crazy. And when she finally felt better and I fell asleep again, I realized I was hungry and my stomach ached and then I was hungry again and I couldn't fall asleep till 5. And just as I was wide-awake, mom was not… I really thought she was to drop me... The good thing was that dad was the one who took care of changing me last night, otherwise who knows what would have happened. Certainly, nothing good. But even though the odds were against us, we survived - no matter how much fraked up we felt (and feel till now). Force be with us all (yeah, we watched the Star Wars III last night… hm, come to think of it, maybe the dog was not sick after eating that canned meat after all.)